Friday 19 July 2019

Ibiza without clubbing

San Antoni
The one cocktail I had
What? Really? Not even once? Not even if Eats Everything, a DJ you meet on the flight over who’s playing Amnesia, offers to put you on the guestlist? Nope. Maybe I would have fallen in love with the whole scene. Maybe I would even now be stocking up on glowsticks and planning my next trip to the White Isle. 

Up north
But it just doesn’t appeal. The whole rave scene came at the wrong time for me to jump on its bandwagon, but that’s OK. I genuinely don’t feel as if I’ve missed out. So why, you might be asking, go to Ibiza? Isn’t the whole point of the place to get off your face and dance to EDM with thousands of other people all night long, before sleeping it off to the pop beats being broadcast across the surface of the slightly too-chilly hotel pool the next day?

Well, I’d been told that, away from the clubbing hotspots of San Antoni, Ibiza Town and Platja d’en Bossa, there was a whole other Ibiza. One that was beautiful and worth visiting. “Go north!” everyone said before we went. “Go to Formentera!”

So that’s what we did. 

What did I learn? That – unless you actually leave the island – you’re never really very far from thumping dance music. Sure, there is some beautiful countryside in the interior and some very pretty views out to sea along the coast, and there are positive things about the place, but mostly it really is geared up for the 20-something party crowd. Or, flipside, the slightly older well-monied holidaymaker. Still, if you’re keen on going and don’t want to hit the clubs – or maybe you can combine your all-nighters with a bit of exploring – here’s what we did that I’d recommend…

Formentera
Formentera
The smallest of the Balearic Islands and a charming ferry ride from either Ibiza Town or San Antoni away, makes it a perfect day trip destination. In fact, I liked Formentera so much that I would go back there and just skip Ibiza altogether. It’s probably what Ibiza was before the Brits hit and brought the clubs. Sandy roads meandering through herb-scented, scrubby countryside; pretty, unspoiled beaches; sleepy towns… The thing to do here is hire scooters, little 50cc-ers with no gears, so it’s just stop and go. Tootle off and see where you get to, because wherever you end up will be perfectly nice. The sea was always glass clear, the beaches never too busy and that scented air – pretty amazing. The only downside was having to leave. 

Etxeko
Etxeko at Bless Hotel
This was a gastronomic blow-out. One of those places where they say it’s an eight-course tasting menu, but by the time you’ve had the amuse-bouche and the palate cleanser and the petit fours, you end up eating for a very long time and, even though it never looks like much food arriving at any one time, by the end of the evening your stomach is bursting out over the top of whatever waistband you were shortsighted enough to put on a few hours ago. 
Everything came looking like a picture, nay, a masterpiece, full of pretty colours and arrangements on the plates. At the next table two Real Madrid players and their WAGs were seated, all looking gorgeous and glamorous, and we felt like we were somewhere. Not cheap (€100 a head), but what you might call a destination dining experience.


Finca La Plaza
Finca 
La Plaza
It’s not the food that will draw you here, but the setting. Tucked away in a pretty courtyard behind the main square of Santa Gertrudis, which is pretty much slap-bang in the middle of the island. 
It’s such a charming setting and, if you come for dinner, candlelight gradually takes over from sunlight as you chow down on some surprising combinations. Ravioli with burrata, creamed courgette, mint and tomato wasn’t my favourite dish of the week (sorry!), but the side of mashed potatoes were amazing. So smooth and light. I could have eaten just them and the starter of grilled artichoke and been very happy.

The Giri's garden
The Giri Café
This one is further north, in Sant Joan, a sleepy little town you could easily drive through almost without noticing. However, there’s plenty of free parking and it’s worth stopping for lunch. This is another one where eating in the garden is what makes it. Yes, there are plenty of veggie and vegan options; yes, it has a seasonal menu and the food is nice. But it’s sitting next to the growing tomatoes you might be eating in the next 10 minutes, looking out over fields towards the hills while you bite into your falafel burger that will have you lingering here, mulling over whether to order that avocado cheesecake.


Beachouse
Publicity stunt for David Guetta
OK, I know I said we didn’t go to any clubs, but I’m not sure a proper grown-up, daytime-focused beach club counts. The music here wasn’t blaring, but discreetly in the background; the vibe was very chilled, with a few families who’d brought their grandmothers and toddlers along (but not so many that it felt like a kindergarten) and, best of all, we had the best meal of the week here. A whole seabass between two that was moist, flavourful and hard to stop eating. Also olive-oil sautéed potato and courgette slices. There was a starter (quinoa somethings) and desserts, but I was too full by then to eat any more. After that, we practically crawled out to the daybeds and collapsed to read cheap paperbacks and do a little people watching, the best of which was a parade of gorgeous young things promoting a David Guetta night (nope, not even tempted).

Las Salinas

Yes, the salt. There is something about a salt mountain that’s just so… I don’t know how to put the feeling into words. You just want to gaze at it and get all the feels. Really. So, yes, do buy some Sal de Ibiza while you’re here – you’ll find it sold in just about every shop you go into, even if it’s a clothing store – but also, go to the salt works, which have been producing the white crystals since, oh, about 800BC. You can drive right in between the salt flats and up to the hill (I know, I said mountain, but I exaggerated). The area just south of the airport (does the engine exhaust drop on the stuff?) has now been declared a national park and is definitely worth going to look at. Assuming, that is, you like looking at pools of incredibly salty water evaporating in the sun. Which, apparently, I do.
Salinas


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