Sunday, 24 September 2017

Why you should visit Egypt now

When I first got back to London after 10 days in Egypt, I suffered reverse culture shock. It felt so decadent to go to the giant Tesco and see every kind of food and plenty of household commodities in over-abundant displays all ready to be plonked in the generous trolley supplied for my convenience. Toilet paper could be flushed down the toilet. Water drunk from the tap. Rubbish was swept up from the streets and carted away. Everything looked so neat and orderly, and complaining about anything – from late trains to chilly nights (after all, I could just turn a dial and heating would come on in my flat) – seemed too petty.

On the other hand, no one met my eye on the street. Strangers didn't say hello or smile in greeting as we passed. Most of my neighbours don't know each other except maybe by sight and local children don't wave at me. For the most part, everyone here is in their personal-space bubble and that's the way they'd like to keep it, thank you very much. I missed the easy friendliness of Egypt, the wide open spaces, the beautiful landscapes, the differentness.
I also feel like I need to set a few misconceptions right, because Egypt is fascinating, fun and an amazing place to visit. Here's why you should go and the sooner the better:

Safety: I never once felt unsafe. From the moment I stepped on to my Egypt Air flight, where there's more legroom and wider seats in economy than any other carrier I've been on (and believe me, I've flown plenty), was served a delicious vegetarian meal (and that doesn't happen often on an airplane) and experienced high-class, professional service from the cabin crew, all my fears floated away.
Cairo is a big, mad, busy city, but it doesn't feel dangerous or edgy. In fact, I would say New York has more of a jumpy vibe. Yes, you will see guards, police and army personal, especially around places of importance, like the Aswan Dam or the pyramids, but after a time or two, you'll barely notice.

Dress: I worried way too much about covering up or being appropriately dressed before I went, so here's the deal: if you're a woman, it doesn't hurt to carry a pashmina, which you can stuff in your backpack, in case you go somewhere out of the way or small town, just to throw over your shoulders to be respectful of local customs. Mostly though, T-shirts and shorts are fine. Really.

Haggling: Another thing I worried about. Yes, you will be asked to buy many, many things. Scarfs, towels, tablecloths, statuettes, scarabs, necklaces, purses... Here's what you need to do: simply say, 'La shukran' (no thank you) and keep walking. If you can't remember those two words, say them in English – you'll be understood. On the other hand, sometimes what they're offering is actually so ridiculously cheap (two cloth purses for £1?) why not buy them? You can give them as gifts when you get home or stuff your Egyptian money in them while you're there. If you can't stand haggling, I recommend shops (see below) where it's not necessary.

Two other notes if you hate haggling: if you tell him or her what you're after, your guide* (*see below) can do it for you or, if you're staying in a larger hotel or on a cruise ship, the onsite shops will have set prices.

Guides: hire one. If you're taking a cruise, like the excellent one offered by Orbital Travel, one will be provided. But even if you go on your own, you'll get so much more out of your experience if there's someone there to explain it all to you, arrange transportation, take you to the best vantage points and be your conduit to all things local. I had the luck to be guided by two during my 10-day trip, one in Cairo (Sam: and one along the Nile (Elia: and would highly recommend both.

Finally: Go. The exchange rate is incredible right now, so everything is a crazy bargain. The international sightseeing crowds haven't cottoned on yet that it's cool to go back, so it's not rammed. And? You'll have an amazing, trip-of-a-lifetime experience seeing all the stuff you've only ever read about or seen pictures of. Plus, you'll gain an appreciation of Egypt that will stay with you forever. I was one of you before I went – a little nervous, a little worried – and now I'm totally converted and am recommending Egypt to everyone. Really, you're going to love it.

Recommended shops:

For papyrus: Isis 2 Papyrus Museum, Hilton Road, El Karnak, Luxor

For alabaster and statuary" Abo El Hagag Alabaster Factory, West Bank, El Qurna, Ezbet El Ware, Luxor

For rugs: Tohamy Carpet School, Saqqara Road, Saqqara

For kartouches, other jewellery and souvenirs: the onboard boutiques on the Royal Esadora cruise ship

Sunday, 17 September 2017

Last day in Luxor

Yesterday was a total relaxathon. I took myself up to the sundeck of the Royal Esadora, helped myself from the stacks of yellow and white towels, and found a lounger at the very front. What was I going to do? Watch the Nile world go by. It never gets boring.

Things I’ve discovered I love: water buffalos, who come in a shade of grey moleskin that makes them look almost cuddly. Donkey carts and especially donkey carts where the donkey colt trots alongside its mother, learning the ropes. Also, mule carts. Why? Because they’re everyday, ordinary sights here that the Egyptians don’t even look at twice but I’ve never seen before and they seem like a piece of life that hasn’t changed for generations. Then there are the colours: blue for the Nile, green for the land, sand for the mountains and blue again for the sky.

Today, though, is a different story. Being in Luxor means you’re in ‘the world’s largest outdoor museum’. What that means is Karnak, which is a vast area – think maybe four football pitches – full of statues, columns, pylons (that means high entrances) and even a sacred lake.

What makes this place so fascinating is that some of the bas reliefs still have their original colours on them, giving you a hint of just how bright and spectacularly painted this place once was; and that it’s still in the process of being restored, a process that’s been going on since the 1800s. In fact, while we were there, we watched a group of men, with the help of a crane, position a giant block back in place.

We also learned, by visiting the Isis 2 Papyrus Museum (on Hilton Road in Luxor) how papyrus was – and still is – made into paper and that it’s a roughly three-week process. The ancient crafts clearly take patience.

And now… Well, now we prepare to leave tomorrow. Ugh. Talk about that Sunday-night feeling. All I really want to do is go on, maybe to Hurghada or Sharm for a few days snorkelling and then…?Well, everywhere seems to be calling my name.

Going away is a bit like going to Narnia, the CS Lewis made-up land where whole lives can be lived, but when the people return, not even a minute has passed in Earth time. Us travellers also feel that: we see so much, have so many new experiences, make connections with people we meet along the way and when we return, it feels as if we’ve been away months, even if it’s only been a week or two. Then, when we go home, people say, “Oh, have you been away? I didn’t realise…”

Some folks are never bitten by the travel bug and, yes, there’s a little bit of envy there. After all, they don’t suffer from that almost-constant craving to go somewhere new, see something they’ve never seen before, meet people they might never have met and find out how they live. But if you have that itch to go see what’s over the next mountain, round the next bend, on the other side of the river, lake or ocean and you can see a way to scratch it, well, life becomes incredibly rich. After all, if travel makes one day away feels like a stay-at-home four or five, it’s almost like living forever…

Saturday, 16 September 2017

Aswan to Luxor

Cairo was amazing, Luxor is incredible, but for position on the river, old-school charm and birdwatching, I’m going to say that Aswan is my favourite town on the Nile – so far. I was very lucky and got taken to the Old Cataract Hotel for a sundowner.

A few things. First, a cataract is the fast-moving water around a rock in the river, nothing to do with failing eyesight. Second, the Cateract Hotel was built by Thomas Cook in 1899 as a colonial-era stay for travelling Brits, then did service as a palace for King Farouk – Egypt’s last reigning monarch, who stepped off the throne in 1952 – and it's now a five-star hotel of the sort where the carpeting swallows up the sounds of any footfalls, the hard flooring is either marble or teak, and suites are named after their most famous inhabitant. For this reason, when you walk down a corridor and read ‘Winston Churchill’, ‘Aga Khan’ and ‘Omar Sharif’, you’re learning a bit of history as well as getting to your accommodation.

Our lovely guide, Elia
We were given an extra-special treat: a private terrace above the Nile, looking across Elephantine Island (named for the large boulders rather than actual animals) to the Aga Khan’s mausoleum on the hill opposite. Below us, feluccas – the traditional sailboats – as well as one brave soul paddling across sitting on something that might have been a tea tray, plied the water. Graceful white herons, something that looks like a speckled pigeon and egrets did their thing and, slowly at first, then suddenly speeding up for the grand finale, the sun slipped behind the hills. What a magical experience. I know, none of this comes cheap (the Winston Churchill suite costs US$10,000 a night), but if you can splash out for a G&T to get a ringside seat, it’s worth it.

So, back to the cruise and where were we? Since last writing, I’ve been to a place that’s on many people’s bucket list: Abu Simbel. This is the collective name for two temples – one belonging to Rameses II, and the other built for his favourite and the most beautiful of his 67 wives, Nefertiti. What makes these structures so remarkable, aside from their size (huge), decorations (many statues and hieroglyphics with their original colours) and location (60 clicks from the Sudanese border) are two things. One is that when they were first built, their architect figured out how to position them so a statue of Rameses inside was struck by sunlight twice a year: once on his birthday in February and again on his coronation day in October. The other is that the entire constructs were moved 300 metres up in 1961 when the Aswan dam was built and Lake Nasser created. But? The modern minds couldn’t quite get the position right and now the sun hits the Rameses statue one day later than his birthday and coronation.

Lake Nasser, the world's largest man-made lake
How, you keep wondering, did they do it? It’s all part of our collective fascination, wanting to know the secrets these places aren’t quite ready to serve up.

If you think the three-hour drive through the Sahara to get there might be too long or dull, let me disabuse you of this. It’s fascinating. Along the way going – because you leave the ship while it’s still dark – our lovely guide Elia had the bus stop so we could watch (and take pictures of) the sunrise in the desert. This is another memory that I’ll never forget for its majesty and beauty. And, on the way back, we stopped again, this time to see (and take pictures of) the biggest mirage in the Sahara. It’s an extraordinary thing and amazing how even the rocks and hills are reflected in it. You can easily imagine weary, heat-exhausted travellers endlessly heading toward it… We also passed what I think was a French Foreign Legion camp, with round, white tents, tanks and a French tricolour up a flagpole. Fascinating.

Also, a word about the whole driving at breakneck-speed convoy thing and armed escorts this trip had a reputation for, because all that is in the past. You travel at a perfectly reasonable speed, in an air-conditioned bus with onboard toilet, the lovely Royal Esadora serves breakfast before you go and provides a lunch bag which you can fill with sandwiches, danishes, juice and water for the trip, so it’s all very comfortable and safe. There is no convoy and no police escort, because it’s not needed. In fact, a brief word about safety here in general: I've never felt anything but safe and relaxed in Egypt. Really. And remember, I'm a solo female traveller. If you've ever wanted to visit this fascinating, welcoming country, really, do it now before the hordes start coming back.

Thursday, 14 September 2017

Royal Esadora

Whether you’re new or old to it, the essence of taking a cruise is that you get to stay put – that is, in your floating hotel – while you’re ferried to various sites and sights. It’s an ideal way to see as much as possible, while relaxing and enjoying the journeys in between. So, now we’ve established that it’s a wonderful way to travel, how do you decide on a ship? Especially if you’re heading somewhere with a great deal of boats offering similar itineraries such as, say, the Nile?
This is where service, attention to detail, good food, plenty of amenities, entertainment, the best guides, cleanliness, comfort and fresh, up-to-date accommodation come into play and why I’m recommending the Royal Esadora. Also, if you fancy adding a couple few days either or both sides of your cruise in Cairo or Hurghada, they can arrange this as well – everything from flights to transfers to guides to accommodation to tours to all-inclusive, so all your drinks are included as well.

My ‘room’ is actually a suite, so there’s plenty of space to spread out. Inside is a TV, mini-fridge/freezer, a desk, plenty of storage, sofa, coffee and occasional tables, two chairs, tasteful artwork on the walls – and that’s just the living room. The second room has the quite frankly enormous bed, double wardrobe, safe, loads of shelves and drawers, full-length mirror and a bathroom with a shower over the water-jet bath. The only shame is how little time I actually get to spend in there, because there’s so much else to do. To give you an idea, take a look at the itinerary I’ve included from our second day on board. It’s an A-list of Egyptian celebrity sites – and that’s all before lunch.

If you think the wake-up call looks early, remember that at this time of year (September) it can still get extremely hot, so it’s actually simple good sense to get out there and hit the highlights before things heat up. It’s also, as our clever guide Elia pointed out, a good way of beating the other tours so we get the places to ourselves. It’s certainly worked so far.

Around the boat, service is always with a smile, a “Hello, how are you? Are you enjoying your day?” and delivered with speed and courtesy. The staff must have been hired for their good memories too, because they remember all sorts of small things that make a stay that much more memorable for the guests. One of our group liked a nicely presented fruit plate she had on the first evening. Now, whenever she goes up to the buffet, the man who cuts the fruit has a special plate prepared just for her. Meanwhile, I’ve let slip to one of the chefs that I’m a vegetarian and now he’s quick to let me know which dishes are meat-free, as well as offering to cook me anything else if I don’t see something I’d like on offer. I haven’t had to take him up on this though, because the extensive buffet, starting with salad, soup, breads, cheeses and working through main courses of meat, fish, vegetables and often pasta, all the way to the fruit section and heaving pudding table, has always had more than enough choice for me.

If you like a drink while you watch the sun sink behind the date palms, I don’t know what it’s called, but the one made out of gin, apple, mango and hibiscus juice tastes as good as it looks. Then, once the sun has gone down, you can take yourself to the lounge bar for a spot of dancing, a chat or watch the entertainment that’s laid on – we’re all looking forward to the Nubian dancing, the dervish, the belly dancing and, of course, our Egyptian night, when we get to dress up in traditional robes and play games. That one hasn’t actually happened yet, so I’ll have to let you know how it goes – and how much laughter it generates.

Meanwhile, there’s the swimming pool and generous sundeck with loungers and a bar, lots of shade if you want it and, downstairs, you can get your gift shopping in without any haggling or hassle from the two shops, where products are top quality at good prices, offering everything from postcards to custom-made kartouches to traditional statuary and clothing.

I must also mention the young man who cleans our corridors’ rooms and his sense of humour with the towel creatures he makes. The swan was lovely, the flowers pretty, the elephant cute, but towel man? When I said my room was spacious, that wasn’t a hint I wanted company! I’m kidding. The truth is, when I came in and saw 'him', I couldn’t stop laughing.

The Royal Esadora has made this trip memorable in all the best ways, so if you’re not sure which boat to book, take my tip and go for this one.

Wednesday, 13 September 2017

Cruising on the Nile

Is it day 3 or 5? Not sure how to count it, but it’s my fifth day in Egypt, third on the good ship Royal Esador. We are currently parked, sorry, docked, at Esna, some 64km south of Luxor. Yesterday, we’re all very keen to tell each other, was 50°C! Yes, really. Or, for those who don’t do centigrade, about 134°F. I’ve never experienced heat like that outside a sauna and I have to admit to some wilting tendencies. We started at 6am with our fabulous guide Elia leading the way and were at the Valley of the Kings before 7am. What? So early? Yes, please, because at that time of day, not only did we have it to ourselves, but it the temperature was tolerable.

Our ticket gave us entry, plus a choice of three tombs (note: photography isn't allowed, hence no pictures). They’re open on a rotating basis to preserve them and I admit to going to the ‘easier’ ones. That is, those without long flights of stairs down. Think of it as trying to preserve myself!

The most interesting thing in these places are the sandscapes – vast, tracts of hills and rocky faces you feel sure are hiding dozens more of these intricately decorated and hieroglyphic-covered caves – and those paintings themselves. The colours are still so vibrant – blues, yellows, reds (Oooh! We’ve just set sail – lovely!) – that haven’t been retouched. I’m trying to get the hang of the ancient writing: so far I know the symbol for life and the symbol for fertility, also the eye of Horus (good luck).

Do you want or need an itinerary of the rest of yesterday? OK, very briefly, we also hit the Valley of the Queens, the Temple of Hatshepsut (the only female ever to have ruled Egypt), the Medinet Habu Temple and, my favourite, the Colossi of Memnon. Come on, who doesn’t love a big statue? We also visited an alabaster shop, Abo El Hagag, on the West Bank, at El Qurna, Ezbet El Ward, very near the Valley of the Queens, where we were treated to a demonstration of how alabaster is harvested from a site about 80km away, then carved and polished by hand. None of this imitation stuff you’re offered at the sites, but the real McCoy that becomes translucent when a light is behind it. They also carve basalt, granite and something they call moonstone that glows in the dark. The reason I’m mentioning this place, and why I would recommend stopping, is that their pieces are wonderful – cats, lions, crocodiles, jars, vases, pyramids – and individually made by hand. You’ll also get a welcome drink (and believe me, at this stage it will be very welcome), air con (yay) and salesmen who speak perfect English and won’t pressure you to buy. It’s all a very pleasant experience and the place to get your local-to-Luxor gifts without any hassle.

I just glanced out my window and caught sight of a group of boys, maybe three or four of them, about 10 to 12 years old, running along the river path with a few goats, with date palms, banana trees and bamboo the backdrop. It’s both modern and completely unchanged ancient here, a total mash-up that’s endlessly fascinating.

There’s so much I want to say about the antiquities, the people – who are so genuine and warm and friendly – and the ease and comfort of this ship, which are considerable, but I just have to share what Salah, the young man who cleans my room, constructed for me today and will finish with that. Suffice to say, I totally burst out laughing when I came in and found my new roomie.

Sunday, 10 September 2017

Cairo: September 2017

Listening to the sunset call to prayer over Cairo. Is beautiful.

Now I must share what I overheard at dinner last night in the Moghul Restaurant of Mena House Hotel. Three Americans – two women somewhere in their late 30s, one man around the same age, clearly on a group tour because I heard them introduce themselves to the two older American couples at another table when they came in.

One of the women at the three table said to the other, "At first, we thought it was really bad opera."

"Yeah," the guy said, "but it was their time to pray."

Cringe, cringe, cringe! Omg, really? Really? You couldn't make it up. So, apologies to my American roots, but I've been telling people here, when they ask, that I'm British. I've never done that before, but I do have dual nationality, so feel I can get away with it. I don't want to be tarred with that brush!

If yesterday was all about visiting sites – Giza's Pyramids, Saqqara's tombs and pyramids, Memphis's statuary – today was about downtown Cairo. The citadel, the Muhammad Ali mosque, the Cairo Museum, Tahrir Square, the Nile Ritz-Carlton (for lunch, natch) – and driving around looking at street life and the extraordinary range of buildings, from those that don't look as if there's more than the weight of the bricks above keeping the ones below in place, to Parisian-style mansions overlooking the Nile, to crazy stuff, like little kids driving donkey carts down the side of highways and a truckload of who knows what in sacks and four men sitting on top. Oooh, they'd never allow that back in Blighty.

My driver, Khalid, and guide, Sam (
Once again I had the services of the most enthusiastic guide ever, Sam, to decipher everything for me, from why there was a cluster of people outside the police station (you need to have a criminal record check before you can take a job) to how a clever sculptor made a dwarf embalmer look normal sized in a little sculpture in the museum (put him on a pedestal and had his children stand in for his legs).

Then it was back to the Mena House Hotel for a quick change into swimmies and a lounge by the pool. Ah... It's not a bad life, is it?

And tomorrow? Off to Luxor and a week-long Nile cruise with Orbital Travel. I've been told internet connection is at best patchy along there, so the next post may be after a little wait...

Saturday, 9 September 2017

Memphis to Saqqara with Giza thrown in

Day 1 and already I don't know where to begin. That I saw the oldest pyramid in the world? That I saw the best preserved statue of Ramesses II in Egypt? Or the alabaster sphinx? That I couldn't get over the bas relief in the tomb of Titi, which depicted every detail of life in Ancient Egypt, right down to the cow who was afraid her calf had been left behind (it hadn't – one of the servants was carrying it across the Nile)? Yes, it's hot, but when you're swept up in trying to get your head around looking at the last of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World, you tend to forget. And here's another thing: it's not crowded. I mean, seriously, not. Which makes me want to tell everyone, "Get over here now, before everyone else gets wind of how Egypt is now not only extremely good value (try E£23 to the UK £ - more about this in a minute) and how you'll get the most unobstructed photos ever."

Now a little more about the exchange rate. I thought, because I read it in the Lonely Planet guide, that the exchange rate was roughly £1 to E£10. In other words, if something cost E£100, that was like spending £10, but no. As my guide explained, since 2016, when their Eyptian pound fell through the floor, it's now more like £1 equals E£23. So, when the carpet seller said, "It's E£1,200", I thought, Cricky, that's a lot!, but actually it was more like £56. For a one-of-a-kind hand-loomed carpet.

Here's my No 1 tip of the day though: Whether you're traveling solo, as a couple, in a group, whatever, you want a guide. Why come all this way and just look at stuff? Why not have someone along who can tell you everything in an entertaining, sticks-in-your-head way AND (this is crucial) takes care of transportation, so that you're ferried about in an air-conned minibus? At one point, my guide told me that the Sphinx's stone cladding, on its front paws, was a recent addition. Immediately, I heard a young American guy say to his friend, "Did you hear that? Those stones are new!" Poor, chaps, I thought, you won't be getting half as much out of this as I am.

My guide, who speaks smooth English and has a degree in archeology, told me things you wouldn't learn in a guidebook – like how the stars are in exactly the same alignment every 26,000 years (is that all?), and that in 10,500BC, the three Pyramids of Giza, which were built in 2,500BC were dead centre to perfectly match the alignment of Orion's belt. Which means the placement of these pyramids might well be a good 8,000 years older than the actual structures themselves.

I hope I made that clear – he certainly did. And it piques the interest, because clearly these Pyramids haven't given up all their secrets yet...

Friday, 8 September 2017

Going as a solo female to Egypt

The big day has finally arrived and I find I'm wandering around T2 at Heathrow with a stupid smile on my face. After many months of working it out, keeping my fingers crossed and trying hard not to get ahead of myself in case it didn't happen, I'm actually going to Egypt. First Cairo, staying at the incredible-looking Mena House Hotel (note: not my photo. Some people have swimming pools or BBQs in their backyards – this place has the Pyramids), then down to Luxor to board a week-long Nile cruise, courtesy of Orbital Travel. It's the kind that takes you to the Valley of the Kings AND the Queens, where add-ons include a pre-dawn-departure excursion to Abu Simbel and in between you get to relax in comfort and ease. That kind of cruise. Even though I'm on my way, I sort of can't believe that by this evening I'll be there. 

Some places become myth-like in our psyches. Certainly Greece was for me, after reading all those myths as a child. And Egypt also holds that kind of place in my mind. Ever since I was a child and was taken to the Metropolitan Museum of Art in NYC on a regular basis (thanks, Mom!), where we'd wander around the Egyptian halls, marvelling at the mummies. And then later they brought in, stone by stone, the Temple of Dendur and rebuilt it in a vast, stone-clad room with its own stream and soaring ceiling height, in an effort to recreate the environment where it came from. Well, yes, you could say it captured my imagination – along, no doubt, with the imaginations of all the other little NYC kids who came and gawped.

So, now I'm going to the source. Excited? Curious? A little... nervous? Sure, all those things. But I have a feeling the universe is going to be kind and show me an extraordinary time. Egypt, here I come!

Sunday, 30 July 2017

Cramming it into Copenhagen

What did I say in my last post? That three days was the optimum time to visit a city? Obviously, I hadn't been to Copenhagen yet. After two days, I'm already wondering how we can possibly fit everything we want to do in and we're here for a little more than three days. Still, we've managed quite a bit already.

How? No 1: get an early flight. This has the disadvantage that you have to get up correspondingly early, but means you have a full day at your destination and if you're really exhausted from the early start (like I was), you'll suddenly find you can even sleep on a plane.

No 2: Pick up a Copenhagen Card before you leave the airport. You can pre-order online, so it's waiting for you, which means you don't have to pay anything additional to ride the 12-minute train journey to the center of the city because that's included. You might think, 'What? 659 DKK (€88) for three days? That's crazy money', but believe me, you'll make enough use of it. Besides the train, it makes all bus – including waterbuses – the metro, 79 museums and attractions (including Tivoli Gardens) free to enter and you get discounts on plenty of other things. It turns that, 'Should we or shouldn't we?' when you're passing somewhere into a 'Let's go in!' You can, of course, buy it for 24 hours and 48 hours too.

Tip No 3: Eat dinner at Mielcke & Hurtigkarl. Yes, it's expensive (from 800 DKK [about €110]) for the daily Experience menu, plus drinks, but again, you won't regret it. It's one of those meals that aren't just about the food – though that's pretty amazing, with all sorts of interesting flavour pairings (birch ice cream and celeriac chips, just for instance), plus it's in the most beautiful setting, in a city park that's really more of a garden. The building is the old Royal Horticultural Society's orangery and there are interesting arty touches, like tiny little lights strung up on the ceiling that become brighter as night falls outside.

What to do with the rest of your time? Take the canal boat cruise (included in your Copenhagen Card) for an overview of the city and, also, a way of catching some sun. If you're into food (and who isn't?) get yourselves to Papir√łen (Paper Island), which is a temporary thing – the food stalls only have leases until the end of 2017. After that...? – for a hall full of just about any nationality's signature dishes: Thai, Mexican, Turkish, Moroccan, plus pulled pork, bbq-ed chicken, wraps. And, also, the Meat Packing District, where there are lots of year-round restaurants and a food-truck-market thing every Saturday and Sunday.

You also need to at least walk through Tivoli Gardens (remember that Copenhagen Card) and it's easy to do because it's bang central. I know, it's 'only an old theme park', as someone described it before we left, but it has a certain charm for being old and if you're a ride person (I'm not, but don't let that stop you) there are plenty (you pay for these separately to the entrance fee, which was free with your Copenhagen Card. Have I mentioned the Copenhagen Card...?)

Another place to take a look at is Christiania. We were going to take a walking tour of this self-proclaimed 'Freetown', but didn't make the meet-up time, so we just wandered in, which the public is welcome to do, so long as you follow the rules (no photographs without permission, no running – it causes panic – and a reminder that buying or selling hash is illegal). Christiania is a town within a town, an area of mostly old army barracks that was squatted by hippy types back in 1971, that made up its own rules - or non-rules, depending on how you look at it. There were a lot of riots and clashes with the Danish police for 40 whole years, mostly over things like marijuana and hash being 'legal' within Christiania. Finally, in 2011, a peace agreement, if you like, was drawn up and now there's a Foundation which runs Christiania and things have settled down.

It's interesting - for instance, no one owns their home here, they are given them for free to live in - and there is a lot of street art and you'll see hash stalls on Pusher Street, but...? It has an edgy feel. When we were there, on a sunny afternoon, there were very few women. I don't know why this was, but there were definitely plenty of men. It's also fairly comprehensively dirty – I guess the local services don't come in to clean – and it has the look of what I imagine a city would look like if everyone just left and nature started to take over again. Shaggy bushes and trees, pavement slabs coming up, very large dogs roaming around. We went in a couple of the shops, just to have a look. One, which sold hardware and postcards and was staffed by an older woman, was fine, but the other two – a food store and an art gallery – smelled like a teenage boy's bedroom.

I like the idea of people being free to do as they like, without a controlling governmental hand – it appeals to the hippy in me – but I didn't feel entirely relaxed there.

Here's another thing to do with your time: leave. Yes, really. So, Tip No 4 is: go to Malmo, over the bridge in Sweden. It's ridiculously easy to do. Buy your bus ticket in Central Station, walk out the main entrance, turn left and wait at the 999 bus stop. Do not be alarmed at the large crowds of people who wait here: lots of buses stop here, not just the 999.

While we were waiting, I had an interesting experience. A perfectly reasonable-looking young chap came over and asked if he could borrow my phone so he could make a call to Sweden. I said yes and handed it over, he made his call - which lasted maybe a couple of minutes - and then he handed it back. We then had a chat, during which he said he had been living through a tough time, mostly in the train station and that's when I realised once again that, when you're outside your culture, you don't necessarily pick up the clues about people. I hadn't guessed that he was homeless. His comment at some point about living as a Buddhist had answered my unspoken question about why he didn't have his own phone. Anyway, the 999 came and we said good-bye and that was that. Nothing unpleasant happened, but it was just... odd.

Malmo is lovely and the trip over really enjoyable. Lots of views of the amazing Oresund Bridge (a winner even if you've never watched The Bridge. However, if you haven't seen this Nordic noir TV series, you've got a treat ahead of you) and it only takes about half an hour. Then, hey presto, you're in another country where fika rules.

Fika is something sweet, like a pastry, and – traditionally – coffee, though no one thought it odd when I asked for tea instead.

So, of course, you must stop for fika somewhere and you must take the little canal cruise here as well, and then you'll want to wander down the main shopping street and probably buy something. I know Denmark is meant to be the home of good design, but I loved the Swedish clothes and homewares even more.

By now it will be time to catch the last bus back, which leaves at 4-something in the afternoon.

You'll do plenty of walking in Copenhagen, as one does in any city, but with your (wait for it!) Copenhagen Card, you can always jump on a passing bus – or, the one thing we didn't find time to do – hire a bicycle, which seems to be how at least half the city's population gets around.

Where to stay? That's Tip No 5: the Andersen Hotel. It's about a five-minute walk from Central Station, where the train to and from the airport comes to. It's reasonably priced, breakfast is included, and it's very convenient to most things. We were told it's in the red-light district, but a few sex shops and a few sex workers weren't threatening in any way and it was all very relaxed, so don't let that put you off. It also has nice touches, like 'Wine Hour', where you can sit in the lounge and drink wine for free between 5-6pm; the reception desk operates on karma - that is, they're nice to you, you're then happy, which makes them happy... No wonder the Danes are the happiest people in Europe! Such a nice ethos.

Our final sightseeing visit was the Carlsberg brewery. Once again, free entry with that card, and after you've had a good look around, you get a free drink (either one of their beers or a soft drink), plus a free gift. What would this be, we wondered? Ah, a little lapel pin...